Coming Soon....Paquin's Day in Court

On February 14, 2008, Valentine's Day, Fred Paquin will have his day in court for the alleged beating of a woman he professed to care about.

Copied in part from Mayo Clinic.com

An abusive relationship: It's about power and control

Though there are no typical victims of domestic violence, abusive relationships do share similar characteristics. In all cases, the abuser aims to exert power and control over his partner.
Although a lot of people think domestic violence is about anger, it really isn't. Batterers do tend to take their anger out on their intimate partner. But it's not really about anger. It's about trying to instill fear and wanting to have power and control in the relationship. In an abusive relationship, the abuser may use varying tactics to gain power and control, including:

• Emotional abuse. Uses put-downs, insults, criticism or name-calling to make you feel bad about yourself.
  
• Denial and blame. Denies that the abuse occurs and shifts responsibility for the abusive behavior onto you. This may leave you confused and unsure of yourself.
  
• Intimidation. Uses certain looks, actions or gestures to instill fear. The abuser may break things, destroy property, abuse pets or display weapons.
  
• Coercion and threats. Threatens to hurt other family members, pets, children or self.
  
• Power. Makes all major decisions, defines the roles in your relationship, is in charge of the home and social life, and treats you like a servant or possession.
  

Recognizing abuse: Know the signs

It may not be easy to identify abuse, especially at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. For example, abuse may begin with occasional hurtful comments, jealousy or controlling behavior. As it gets worse, the abuse may become more frequent, severe or violent. As the cycle of abuse worsens, your safety or the safety of your children may be in danger.

You may be a victim of abuse if you're in a relationship with someone who:

• Controls finances, so you have to ask for money
• Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
• Acts jealous or possessive, or accuses you of being unfaithful
• Tries to control how you spend your time, who you see or talk to, where you go or what you wear. Wants you to get permission to make everyday decisions
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
• Scares you by driving recklessly
• Threatens to kill him or herself
  

You are very likely in an abusive relationship if you have a relationship with someone who does even one of the following:

• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, or chokes you or threatens you with violence or a weapon
• Forces you to have sexual intercourse or engage in sexual acts against your will
• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
• Prevents you from going to work or school
• Stops you from seeing family members and friends
• Hurts, or threatens to hurt you, your children or pets
• Destroys your property
• Controls your access to medicines
• Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it
• Says that his or her abusive behavior is no big deal or even denies doing it
• Tries to force you to drop charges
• Tries to prevent you from calling the police or seeking medical care
  

Create a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. You're the only one who knows the safest time to leave. You may know you are in an abusive relationship and realize you need to leave as soon as you safely can. Or, you may be concerned about your partner's behavior and think you may need to get out at some point in the future. Either way, being prepared can help you leave quickly if you need to.

Consider taking these precautions:

• Arrange a safety signal with a neighbor as an alert to call the police if necessary.
• Prepare an emergency bag that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra clothes, important papers, money, extra keys and prescription medications.
• Know exactly where you'll go and how you'll get there, even if you have to leave in the middle of the night.
• Call a local women's shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 to find out about legal options and resources available to you, before you need them.
• If you have school-age children, notify the school authorities or school counselor about custody arrangements and warn them about possible threats.

If any of the above conditions sounds eerily familiar, there is help available. One very important thing to remember is this: It is NOT your fault no matter what you are told. You were most likely chosen as the victim because you are a nice person, lacking in self confidence, naive or passive.

If you are not seeking help then it may be because you have become accustomed to abusive behavior through earlier life experiences or you are afraid the abuser will find out before you make your escape. If you stay, your life is in danger and if you have children who are present during abusive situations, this will negatively affect their lives forever in one way or another.

It is not okay to physically abuse another human being and you do not deserve it. Seek help today.